Saturday, February 23, 2013

Pep Talk

If you can still hold your head up high, then hold your head up high. Just. Like. That.

See? It’s going to be okay.

It’s going to be okay.

Everything’s going to be okay, Katy.

If you can take a step forward now, then take a step forward now. Just. Like. That.

These changes that you’re going through, they are hard but they are long overdue. You know this. You’ve known this. You’ve always had to be forced into changing, but it’s always been for the best, hasn’t it? Hasn’t it? 

Now maybe now would be the time to run through relevant clichés. No, not clichés. I mean Truisms. Say these to yourself when the hurt starts: The world will keep on turning… For everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season (turn, turn, turn)… The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… And maybe, um… I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.

If you can keep on breathing, then keep on breathing. Just. Like. That.

It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.

Just get up in the morning and brush your teeth. Comb your hair and go to work. Just get through the day. Try and blend in. Any old idiot can manage it. If you can smile while you do it, then smile while you do it. Just. Like. That.

And what do you do when you are alone with yourself at home? You’ve still got your writing. You’ve still got your reading. You’ve still got your music, and you’ve still got your mind. You’ve got everything you’ve ever had, if you stop and think about it.

Your life is going to be fine, Katy. You’ve got a lot you can look forward to.

If you can buy black sweats, some rope, a pick axe, and some lye, then buy black sweats, some rope, a pick axe, and some lye. Just. Like. That.

This is all you’re going to need to set your life back right. You’ve got people who respect you… and you’re a good person… There’s just this one little problem that’s standing in your way.

And you’re a good driver and it’s not that far. Your registration and the inspection sticker on the van are up to date. And the back window of his house has never locked right. You know this. You’ve known this. And he sleeps like… Well, he sleeps like the dead.

You just need to do this and then everything will be okay. This is the right thing to do. You just need to stay calm. You have good instincts. Don’t let this fear and self-doubt make you do something stupid.

If you can put the bodies in the bathtub with water and with lye, then put the bodies in the bathtub with water and with lye. Just. Like. That. Not hydrofluoric acid in a Teflon tub, not like they did it on Breaking Bad. Your way is better.

See there, Katy? You could have written that episode better than the writers for the series wrote it! Maybe you still will, when all of this is done. You never know what your future holds. This in itself is exciting and it gives you a reason to go on.

You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.

You just throw the remnants of the bones into a trash bag and then throw the trash bag into the dumpster across from Barnaby’s and then you’re done with it. Go home and then go to bed and put it all out of your mind.

You’ll sleep like a baby because you’ll know, then, that you’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. Just get up the next morning and brush your teeth. Comb your hair and go to work. Just get through the day. Try and blend in. Any old idiot can manage it. If you can smile while you do it, then smile while you do it. Just. Like. That.

Look yourself in the eyes. Look! You’re going to be okay, Katy. Everything is going to be good for you. You have a lot going for you. Everyone has always thought that.

It’s going to be okay. Let’s do this.

This is what your life is supposed to be. Let’s do this.

Just.

Like.

That.

41 comments:

  1. Remind me to stay on your good side. Umm. I love your hair and your words are sexy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It seems reasonably unlikely that I will ever have to melt you down and toss you in a dumpster.

      Unless you don't start posting more...

      Come to think of it, I might have to stock up on lye...

      Delete
  2. When this blog post is introduced as evidence at the trial, just say, well, that this actually proves your innocence! I mean, after all, you wouldn't've written something like this if you were going to, you know, well, I mean, you didn't, right? Someone did, or so it appears. But maybe they didn't. No body, you know. It's really really hard to convict without a body. I mean, maybe he just went away. For, like, forever. Maybe he's fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha... I've stopped worrying about this blog being used against me later on. I probably SHOULDN'T stop worrying - not with potential child custody hearings coming up, among other reasons...

      But I have.

      Mostly because I'm really good at getting rid of the bodies, I suppose.

      Delete
  3. Just. Like. That.

    Hey.

    The 'Nightstalker', it turns out, lived in that hotel in L.A. where they just found the gal in the rooftop water tank - sort of like a 'Bones' episode ('The Girl In The Tank?')....

    Turns out he hid in plain sight. For quite a while, really. When he was done with one of his 'adventures', he simply changed in the parking lot; threw his bloody clothes in the dumpster and went in through the back entrance.

    Just. Like. That.

    (I agree - you're a far better writer than Vince Gilligan....)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I heard an assistant DA speaking at a continuing legal education class a while back. He said that the "CSI" shows might be the worst thing that ever happened to prosecutors.

      The reason is that juries think that you can get a fingerprint off a shadow reflected in a mirror if it was photographed at the correct angle - and if prosecutors lack that sort of thing, then it must mean the dude didn't do it.

      This doesn't really make sense in light of Harris County's shockingly high conviction rate, but... I like my chances. The world is going to be so much brighter when I'm done!

      Delete
  4. Don't forget to destroy the dental evidence with a sledge hammer. Just. Like. That.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is great to have friends like you, always looking out for me.

      Teeth can get tossed into Buffalo Bayou. With the others.

      Delete
    2. I always try to look out for you the best I can. Sorry I can't do more.

      Yeah, but you have to look out for the highly trained police alligators that search the bayou for remains and return them to the police.

      Delete
    3. I like the idea of police alligators. This is a potentially fruitful idea...

      Delete
  5. "Don't worry about a thing,
    'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
    Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
    'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

    "Every little thing gonna be all right" (Bob Marley)
    http://youtu.be/mACqcZZwG0k


    "Just Like That"

    Until that day
    Her life had been a river
    Following the same, pre-destinated course,
    Suddenly detouring so unexpectedly
    With uncompromising force.
    Her strongholds broke down all too easily;
    I remember well,
    How it did embarrass me;
    I hung on to her every smile
    Marveled at her style

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better as a motivational pep talk than "Don't Worry Be Happy."

      Delete
  6. These are very un-Don Knotts-like pictures of you, Ms. Anders.

    Hang in there. We are all rooting for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Alexander. They're old pics, but they sort of look like I am giving myself a pep talk. Pus the black hood seemed appropriate.

      Delete
  7. A hybrid of the original Cleaner and La Femme Nikita.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! But I don't do it as a job. I do it for fun.

      Delete
  8. Katy. Be sure to buy an axe with a Sure-Grip handle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate the advice.

      It's the little things you don't think about that can ruin an operation like this.

      Delete
  9. I love that I never know where you're going to go with your writing. The surprises are fantastic. And you kept a meditative pep-talk that evolved...sorry, that intelligently designed itself into a hypothetical murder plan (always leave room for plausible deniability) while keeping it all really poetic was great. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you're so good at this, you make me want to quit writing, break my hands, and go swimming in your lye bath just to save myself the embarrassment of dare being in the same field as you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Thank you.

      I have been sort of negative about the blog this week, and I needed this.

      I keep threatening myself that I'm going to make this a more conventional blog. But as long as there are people who get it, I probably will not.

      Delete
  10. What Pickleope said. I love this. Solid writing from start to finish, with such great flow.

    Dexter makes it look so easy, doesn't he? The killing, not the writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With Dexter, it is all about whatever is in that shot he gives his victims.

      What the hell is in that needle, and how do I get some?

      Delete
  11. Ms. Anders, we need you to come down to your local FBI office at 1 Justice Park Drive Houston, TX 77092.

    Please bring two valid forms of photo ID, your black sweats, your rope, your pick axe, and your lye. Just like that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You've done a lot of great stuff; this is among the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, benni!

      I am encouraged. Usually, I take a ridiculous amount of time to plan. This time, i just sat down and wrote.

      I need to do that more.

      Delete
  13. Down with cliches! Up with truisms! And I'm on board with everything else in this post. Thanks for the lift.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Erica! This one is in the simplest language I can muster,a nd it seems to have paid off.

      Delete
  14. I'm both terrified and in awe of you right now. I actually loved this x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Scarlett! That might be a good reaction, actually. As positive as I can expect from anyone, under the circumstances, haha...

      Delete
  15. Ohhhh a chemistry blog! You have been long overdue for something in the hard sciences. All this touchy feely relationship junk, I was starting to worry about you. Remember Muriatic acid works best for eliminating any traces of blood. Available at any metro Houston swimming pool retailer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I was a kid, we used to pour muriatic acid into coke bottles and add ice and aluminum foil, close the top, and throw it.

      It would blow up pretty spectacularly.

      Come to think of it, I might have been a juvenile delinquent.

      Delete
    2. Hey we all had our brain damaged moments growing up.

      I forgot to mention, you need to add the Ulysses S. Malloy mustache to complete your disguise. Accessories make the outfit!

      Delete
    3. Ulysses Malloy has been laying pretty low. It might be time for a comeback.

      Delete
    4. I would ask for the ratios of the muriatic acid cocktail but that might be irresponsible to post in a pubic forum. I'll Google it instead.

      Delete
    5. I'm not sure I even remember anymore.

      I haven't been a juvenile delinquent in years. It's been at almost 10 years, as a matter of fact.

      2003 was right around the time I became an adult delinquent.

      Delete
  16. you might like this link

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/20-things-lesbians-are-tired-of-hearing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like that. I have to incorporate it into... into... Well, one of the 150 sites I post shit to...

      Delete
    2. blogging idea for you - bad ass lesbian blogger

      Delete
  17. This is one of my favorite blogs. I think about it from time to time when my beloved annoys me. I think about it and I smile.

    Just.

    Like.

    That.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I needed that encouragement just now.

      Delete

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